After you.. No, after you.. / Please - Be my guest.. / Thank you, gracious host. You're too kind.. // Deferential equations

"That? No that's not a U.F.O. It's on the ground now. And you've identified it. That makes it an I.G.O."

(". ..and now if you could close the other 650 eyes and read the bottom line. ..") FLY HELL

The Sole of Discretion

NEIL / ERIC / KEVIN / GARY / The Four Hearsemen with the Alpaca Lips

I'm so depressed.. . / Nobody loves me .. . Everybody hates me .. . / Life! What's the point..? I've never felt so low.. . / I might as well not even exist .. . / An Unidentified Flying Abject

A Great White Man Eating Shark

Think carefully and then tell yourself about me. / Reverse Psychology

Once again, war breaks out in the middle yeast.

Cheeses of Nazareth

Muslin Fundamentalists

Photocopiers jamming

The Second World Wart

Terrierists

If a tree fell in the woods, and you were underneath it, would anyone hear me complaining..? / The sound of one hand clapping - it is NOT clapping for you. .. / YOU are less than a tick crawling in the sweaty underarm of Cosmic oneness. .. / Well YOU are less than a tick on the enormous clock of Cosmic timelessness. .. / Zenemies

The radiocarbon dating technique

The London School of Infectious Diseases Isolation Chamber Orchestra

Well - there's the party food, and there are the drinks - but where is everybody else..? / Early life-forms

Pie rats of the Caribbean

As the little Aardvark waved goodbye to his new friends, he wondered why they had chosen him to represent the planet Earth, and whether they were satisfied with the simple heartfelt message he had delivered to the Galactic Congress on his world's behalf: / On Earth, we eat termites. We love termites. The best way you could help us develop would be to send us many more types of termites. / Ten thousand new species of termites safely delivered. You sure this Aardvark thing is the most advanced lifeform on the planet? / Yup. It's the first animal in their dictionary. Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first. ..

"In this laboratory we're always pushing the envelope to the Max."

Security Bards

Pius-131 / John Paul-192 / Benedict-238 / Gregory-239 (Soon after holding a Critical Mass) / Radioactive Isopopes

Stow this crate of fundamental forces in the hold, fasten the lifeboats, secure the deck, and hoist the sails. .. / A Higgs Bosun

It's stuck again..!! / Know your mongrel: Canis osteoarthritis