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"Well hello there..!! We'd like to talk with you about the KINGDOM OF GOD.." / "damn." / FIRST CONTACT

"Bravo Professor, you stumbled upon the one fact that makes sense of it all. Unfortunately humanity is not permitted to know that the Universe was designed by a committee of ducks."

The only reason that 'children are our future' is that we don't send enough adults on round trips through deep-space at relativistic speeds. / (Hi kids - we're back!!) / Once we start doing that, children will become a lot less complacent, because there's a good chance that by the time we get back they'll be old enough to be our grandparents.

"Okay - is there anybody ELSE whose homework ate their dog?"

Dirk gasped in surprise. Aliens had landed in his paddock before, but never before in such numbers.

[Carbon Dioxide Emission Control Authority] / ['SUPER-STICK' MASKING TAPE]

It appears to be some sort of primitive tractor beam, Captain...

The Colinisation of Space

The Colinization of Space

Large and hitherto uncatalogued lifeform on the windscreen, Jim. . .

Scientists devise yet another way of delaying death.

LATE 17th CENTURY - Oil on Canvas - $50,000 / EARLY 21st CENTURY - Oil in Barrel - $500,000

"Well to be honest we weren't going to revive you. However the rest of your species is extinct and we are in desperate need of someone to throw us a stick."

The next great step in carrot evolution

[Bullet pointed] Z Z Z Z Z Z / The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap

"Okay nanobots - our primary mission is to clean out this guy's arteries. But while we're here I can't see any harm in also building him a nice pair of man-breasts. .."

As the little Aardvark waved goodbye to his new friends, he wondered why they had chosen him to represent the planet Earth, and whether they were satisfied with the simple heartfelt message he had delivered to the Galactic Congress on his world's behalf: / On Earth, we eat termites. We love termites. The best way you could help us develop would be to send us many more types of termites. / Ten thousand new species of termites safely delivered. You sure this Aardvark thing is the most advanced lifeform on the planet? / Yup. It's the first animal in their dictionary. Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first. ..

"Well maybe you wouldn't have attracted the attention of the Time Police, Joe, if you hadn't spent the last fifteen years of your life deliberately Capturing Precious Moments."

Good news! At the current rate of global warming we should be able to just swim over there and eat him in under five years..!

A boy in a not-quite parallel Universe left a ball of string sitting around. A dog started to gnaw at it, but then knocked it through a crack in the pavement and in to our solar system, where it was the size of a planet, and made of superstring..! / Astronomers saw it approaching and excitedly held press-conferences. People laughed and joked at first, but then grew fearful, because it looked as if the ball was on a collision course with Earth! / As it turned out, the ball passed very close to Earth but missed us. It passed right between us and the Moon. People laughed again and took photos as the ball moved off into the distance of space. .. / Unfortunately, a trailing strand snagged some outcrops on the Moon, and the thread started to unravel as the ball moved further away. As the moon orbited the earth, it began to wind us up with progressively more thread! / All the string in the stratosphere meant that sunsets were quite pretty at first, but soon our light was blocked out, and then the three inner planets all got tangled up with the sun, and we all died. / Which was a real pity, because the giant dog came after the ball, and he was really worth seeing. .. / Moral: be careful where you leave your string.

Human Evolution: Possible Futures / Number 1: Happy Fat People

Human Evolution: Possible Futures / Number 2: Smart but Unbearably Foetal

Okay - who removed Jessica's sunhat..? / Kids & global warming

. ..and the precise value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question of whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or.. . / POP!

The year that carrots achieved sentience was a bad year for vegans