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Milestones in Adaptation / Two million years ago, nude male Hominins spontaneously develop a classic right-leg-forward stance in response to a major influx of college textbook artists.

"Long periods of inactivity are not good for a pirate like you, Cap'n. You're taking root."

Alternative Models of Mongrel Evolution. [ The sentient stomach model: Amoeba -(Several Steps)- Stomach entity -(One step)- Mobile stomach entity. The leaky plumbing model: Amoeba -(Several Steps)- Bladder entity -(One step)- Mobile bladder entity ]

(". ..and now if you could close the other 650 eyes and read the bottom line. ..") FLY HELL

"You'll have to forgive Sidney. The left and right hemispheres of his brain are currently engaged in a struggle for dominance."

[Carbon Dioxide Emission Control Authority] / ['SUPER-STICK' MASKING TAPE]

Dreams of times past: a school of heavily-moustached gentlemen strain for krill in the warm coastal waters of the Bahamas.

"You're a selfish bastard, Lewis! Those stem cell lines were meant for people who've LOST an organ!"

"Just ignore that one. It's totally unscientific."

As touch, taste, sight, smell and hearing boarded the charter flight for Havana, Professor Nicholson knew in his heart that he had lost more than just good friends. In fact, he had finally lost his senses.

HE WAS A PORTUGUESE MAN-OF-WAR / SHE WAS A LITTLE PINK JELLYFISH / Where are you anyway..? / Your presence would send shivers up my spine . . . if I had one . . . / BLIND and SPINELESS. AN INVERTEBRATE LOVE STORY.

Large and hitherto uncatalogued lifeform on the windscreen, Jim. . .

Dinosaur brain surgery

Wait a minute!! Is there any part of this stupid bush that is NOT actually another stick insect..?!?

NEIL / ERIC / KEVIN / GARY / The Four Hearsemen with the Alpaca Lips

Yes I know I LOOK ugly, but I'm really a PRINCE! Kiss me and we'll live happily ever after..! / HEAR YE! HEAR YE! Local maiden dies horribly after being poisoned by skin-absorbed nerve-toxins..! Bizarre morphing amphibian-boy to hang for murder!

"Yes I can give you liposuction and a face-lift, Mrs Gribbs, but I must warn you that it won't change the fact that basically way down deep and underneath it all you're really a duck."

"Have you seen that weedy little rat that we're using to test out the new growth hormone..?"

A Great White Man Eating Shark

Amble, everyone! Amble for your lives! The great New Zealand carnivorous snail is coming!

And THIS is why we fear contact with humans. ..

"I need your honest opinion - does my butt look big enough in this..?"

"Okay nanobots - our primary mission is to clean out this guy's arteries. But while we're here I can't see any harm in also building him a nice pair of man-breasts. .."

"Nobody move! I've dropped my contacts!"

NOBEL PRIZE AWARDS / "Just a freak accident with some firefly DNA and suddenly the sun shines out of his arse!"

GOING WELL . .. / STEADY. .. / I CAN'T HOLD IT! I CAN'T HOLD IT! / AAAARRGGHHH!!! / AND A FLAWLESS RECOVERY. .. / Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis

Grimey the myopic spider, another unlikely parable. .. / There was once a spider named GRIMEY, who lived in a red-brick apartment complex. Grimey was a JUMPING SPIDER, and didn't have a web, but would POUNCE on his hapless victims with a "WHOOOOOSSSH" and a "SWISH" and a "PIERCE, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK. .. heh heh heh. .." / About 20% of the time. The other 80% of the time Grimey MISSED his victims entirely and went THUDDING against the wall. You see, poor Grimey was MYOPIC in all eight of his spidery eyes. What SHOULD have looked like THIS: / Looked like THIS: / Grimey often considered getting glasses, but always ended up talking himself out of it. Deep down he was worried that if he did, all the other spiders would mock and call him "SIXTEEN EYES" (spiders can be so cruel. ..) / Finally, Grimey overcame his fear and undertook a long and hazardous journey to the local optometrist. Unfortunately, the optometrist, one DR MUFFETT, had NEVER OVERCOME HER CHILDHOOD FEAR OF SPIDERS..! / However, one thing she HAD learned in the intervening years was that "IT IS BETTER TO CONFRONT YOUR FEARS THAN RUN AWAY." / MORAL: Myopic spiders should avoid the optometrist named "MUFFETT"

It's stuck again..!! / Know your mongrel: Canis osteoarthritis

Unknown to the rest of the world, members of the scientific community have been making their own babies to order for quite some time now.

Human Evolution: Possible Futures / Number 1: Happy Fat People

Human Evolution: Possible Futures / Number 2: Smart but Unbearably Foetal

We understand from the neighbours that you've been allowing your young boy to smoke..?

You guys could use a break. Here, I'll hold the scalpel while you get some coffee. / Everyone, even the hospital surgeons, would tell you that Gary had a generous heart.

Well I'm no great virtuoso, but I DO like to tickle the ivories every now and then. ..

Wait! I've had a new idea! Let's try it without the big hairy thing on the end! / Disturbing fact: the first recorded boomerangs were made of mammoth tusk

Couch, n. / Soft, squishy and voluminous organism whose unusual mode of reproduction involves locating itself near a television set and secreting a skin-absorbed retrovirus containing couch-genes. / Mammals repeatedly enticed to the 'couch' are gradually converted into new soft, squishy and voluminous organisms.

These days we worry about 'scientists playing God.' But in ancient Greece, they worried about Gods playing scientist. / They had reason to worry. Every Tuesday, the Gods would gather in their Mount Olympus laboratory and carry out scientific experiments on mortals. .. / Zeus liked to play around with genetic modifications to hair colour. Aphrodite specialized in adding pointless organs. Apollo found a way to turn at least one of these organs into a ticking time-bomb. / This is why the human race has gingas. This is why you were born with an appendix. / TICK TICK TICK TICK

"I've been sent home to lay low. If anyone asks, no one in my virology lab knows anything about a rampaging army of pangolin-bat hybrids."

"I said, 'BAD NEWS, I'M AFRAID - YOU'VE GOT LONG COVID..!'"