"I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report."

DON'T MOVE, or I'll fill you full of LEAD!!! / HAAA!! I happen to know that the lead in bullets is in the METALLIC form! This chemical form of lead has an intrinsically low bioavailability and toxicity!! / YES, but EARP et al (1886) have recently reported that the gunpowder-assisted acceleration of this form of lead to 1000 ft/sec substantially enhances its ability to penetrate biological membranes, effectively making it a whole lot MORE toxic!!! / I don't believe I've read that paper. .. // Environmental Scientists in the Wild West

Cirrhosis of the river

Dear sir, Could we please have a grant of $5 million from your corporation to allow us to research possible antidotes to a novel new colorless, skin-absorbed and slow acting nerve toxin? / P.S. It is possible that some of this toxin may have been inadvertently spilled on the envelope.

"Sooo . .. when did you first realize that you might be a scientist..?"

"You can bet the EPA will make a big deal out of this.."

Yes I know I LOOK ugly, but I'm really a PRINCE! Kiss me and we'll live happily ever after..! / HEAR YE! HEAR YE! Local maiden dies horribly after being poisoned by skin-absorbed nerve-toxins..! Bizarre morphing amphibian-boy to hang for murder!

Hmmmmm, wrong bottle. I guess THIS one must have been the Elixir of DEATH. ..