"Son, it's time we told you. There are some people in this world who don't LIKE brussels sprouts. .."

OH HELL! I THINK HE'S PLANNING TO HUG ME..!! // Consider the trees. They have no legs to run with.

"Okay - who put my lunch through the mass spectrometer..?"

If all children are natural-born scientists, society might be wise to at least quarantine the subset of these scientist-infants who are the atomic weapons specialists, before they kill us all with their crazy little lunchbox nukes.

The only reason that 'children are our future' is that we don't send enough adults on round trips through deep-space at relativistic speeds. / (Hi kids - we're back!!) / Once we start doing that, children will become a lot less complacent, because there's a good chance that by the time we get back they'll be old enough to be our grandparents.

"Well looking back I suppose it's been going on for quite some time, but I only noticed we were drifting apart during the last 50 million years. .."

"So what if I'm a duck too..!? There's nothing in this permit that says that ducks can't hunt other ducks at this time of year..!"

Sunday afternoon in the library. The awkward silence that comes from not having had a weekend murder to accuse anybody of committing.

HE WAS A PORTUGUESE MAN-OF-WAR / SHE WAS A LITTLE PINK JELLYFISH / Where are you anyway..? / Your presence would send shivers up my spine . . . if I had one . . . / BLIND and SPINELESS. AN INVERTEBRATE LOVE STORY.

"Perhaps one of you gentlemen would mind telling me just what it is outside the window that you all find so attractive..?"

Yes I know I LOOK ugly, but I'm really a PRINCE! Kiss me and we'll live happily ever after..! / HEAR YE! HEAR YE! Local maiden dies horribly after being poisoned by skin-absorbed nerve-toxins..! Bizarre morphing amphibian-boy to hang for murder!

"Wow what a scoop!! Humpty Dumpty sleeping with a Farmyard Fowl..!! Okay now, who came first? The chicken or the egg..??"

That day at work, Jack and Eileen exchanged harsh words.

Yello..?

Vader is seduced by the stark bride of the Norse.

Advances in Science, 37. Iconoclastic researcher Dr Alvin Henderson demonstrates that it IS in fact possible to become too familiar with the safety rules.

If a tree fell in the woods, and you were underneath it, would anyone hear me complaining..? / The sound of one hand clapping - it is NOT clapping for you. .. / YOU are less than a tick crawling in the sweaty underarm of Cosmic oneness. .. / Well YOU are less than a tick on the enormous clock of Cosmic timelessness. .. / Zenemies

The radiocarbon dating technique

Uh oh .. . Thag's after our women again. .. What's the bet he's brought more flowers..? / However, flowers weren't getting Thag anywhere. This time he came with a concealed firearm.

"I need your honest opinion - does my butt look big enough in this..?"

"You have broke my wittle heart," sobbed Penelope, evidently still unaware of her appalling grammatical faults.

"So - it seems that ancient hunter-gatherers hated the Barney creature almost as much as we modern humans detest him today. .."

[Father to son] Remember son - when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade. .. / [Fly] Where'd you get to son? / I'm by the lemon tree dad! / Kid - I learned this from the humans. "When life throws you a lemon - / SQUITCH!

All I'm saying is that we need to be a bit more careful with our money / No problem honey / Lately we've been spending more than we've been earning / [BUFF POLISH ] With you all the way baby / We need to keep an eye on the little things / [COLLAGEN] Couldn't agree more / Are you sure that you're not just paying lip service honey? / SHHH. ..

"Well maybe you wouldn't have attracted the attention of the Time Police, Joe, if you hadn't spent the last fifteen years of your life deliberately Capturing Precious Moments."

WHY IS THE SKY BLUE? / WHERE DO MICE COME FROM? / WHO INVENTED THE CAN-OPENER? / CURIOUS YET..? / "Bad dog! Stop trying to kill the cat!"

Can't you look even remotely disaffected?!? / Mr Smiley Face. Also hated in Afghanistan.

"It was a good bar before those glow-worms moved in. These days most of the new customers end up as exsanguinated corpses."

Until Bob entered her life, Lisa never even knew the meaning of the phrase 'acute multiple drug-resistant infection by transgenic Staphylococcus aureus.' / Funny now to think back. .. Somehow all these little things change when you date a careless microbiologist. ..

"And where do you think you're going at this time of night..!?"

Human Evolution: Possible Futures / Number 1: Happy Fat People

"Okay, now that we've all become the full and unencumbered embodiments of our authentic inner-selves we'd better get down to business. .."

Genes coding for that part of the brain responsible for generating novel new ideas / Genes coding for that part of the brain responsible for mental block / A slowly expanding region of genetic code that is ultimately responsible for the blush response / Genes which support the behavioral response "Yes, maybe I should." / "On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't" genes / A tiny group of genes which govern the production of really smart retorts for use in arguments that finished some time ago / Specialized regions in a couple of human chromosomes

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart.

"Yes everyone thinks sexting is safe, Miss Palmer - until they contract a computer virus. .."

"Oh great, now even gonorrhoea has Covid!"

Well YOU'RE clear, but your phone's got Chlamydia / Dangers of online sex

"My goodness you have been busy! Your chlamydia has herpes, and your gonorrhoea has monkeypox. .."