"Well hello there..!! We'd like to talk with you about the KINGDOM OF GOD.." / "damn." / FIRST CONTACT

The Humpback of Notre Dame

"You can bet the EPA will make a big deal out of this.."

"I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report."

You can't go to the afterlife looking like THAT! / First up, you need a shave. .. / Now let's tidy that hair up a bit. .. / And for pity sake, put on a shirt and tie..! / There! That's MUCH more presentable! / SWISSH!! // The Prim Reaper

"Why YES! Yes I WOULD like to talk with you about the end of the world!"

OH HELL! I THINK HE'S PLANNING TO HUG ME..!! // Consider the trees. They have no legs to run with.

(". ..and now if you could close the other 650 eyes and read the bottom line. ..") FLY HELL

"The guy at the door wants to know if we've all been saved?"

"All those perfectly adequate brain-donors out there and Igor has to pick me a televangelist!"

"For goodness sake man, snap out of it! We're NOT aliens from outer-space! We're PIXIES! Pixies from your GARDEN!! IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND..?!?"

[TODAY'S HERETICS: MR AND MRS SMITH] / What annoys me the most about all this is that I used to ENJOY church barbecues. ..

Cheeses of Nazareth

AD 763. Hopeful entrants in the first 'Easter Island Idol' competition.

Muslin Fundamentalists

If a tree fell in the woods, and you were underneath it, would anyone hear me complaining..? / The sound of one hand clapping - it is NOT clapping for you. .. / YOU are less than a tick crawling in the sweaty underarm of Cosmic oneness. .. / Well YOU are less than a tick on the enormous clock of Cosmic timelessness. .. / Zenemies

Larry will be sorely missed in the fishtank, but we console ourselves that he is going to a batter place. .. / FLUSSHHHH

"Don't laugh, you're next. St Peter says these new units are more energy-efficient."

Pius-131 / John Paul-192 / Benedict-238 / Gregory-239 (Soon after holding a Critical Mass) / Radioactive Isopopes

These days we worry about 'scientists playing God.' But in ancient Greece, they worried about Gods playing scientist. / They had reason to worry. Every Tuesday, the Gods would gather in their Mount Olympus laboratory and carry out scientific experiments on mortals. .. / Zeus liked to play around with genetic modifications to hair colour. Aphrodite specialized in adding pointless organs. Apollo found a way to turn at least one of these organs into a ticking time-bomb. / This is why the human race has gingas. This is why you were born with an appendix. / TICK TICK TICK TICK

. ..and the precise value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question of whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or.. . / POP!