"Okay, does anybody know why Barry's on fire today?" / "No" / "No" / "Not me" / "Nope" // Studies reveal that at the first hint of OSH paperwork, 82.3% of scientists are able to voluntarily jettison their short-term memories.

"You can bet the EPA will make a big deal out of this.."

"I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report."

Okay I admit it – we probably DO need a rocket scientist

"Sure been a heap more work for ME around here since those Biologists got granted research time on the ol' Supercollider.."

[McGuire and Co. Professional Cattle Rustlers] / Closed for Stocktaking

"I'm beginning to wonder if our Terms of Reference may be just a little too broad..?"

"Okay - who put my lunch through the mass spectrometer..?"

8000 B.C. Invention of the printing process.

The "Failsafe 3000" dead-certain 100-percent surefire lawyer trap.

The guy on the line wonders if we stock the extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-large, and also whether it's harpoon-proof..?

We are a committee of clocks, you idiot. What do you mean you forgot to record the minutes..?

That day at work, Jack and Eileen exchanged harsh words.

Chapter 3. Andrew's scheme backfires

Photocopiers jamming

Ask not for whom the photocopier jams. It jams for thee.

The radiocarbon dating technique

It's.. . not.. . possible.. . / The reason you will never catch up with your paperwork is that late at night, in a nest of shredded manila folders, your most important files have babies.

"Just before we discuss your eligibility for a refund, are you absolutely sure that you read all the fine-print..?"

[Bullet pointed] Z Z Z Z Z Z / The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap

"In this laboratory we're always pushing the envelope to the Max."

[BOOK: JUST DO YOUR FRICKING JOB] / Hmmm . . . . This new management fad is crazy enough that it JUST MIGHT WORK . . .

Security Bards

Sign: WET PAINT AHEAD. MINED WHERE YOU STEP / The idiots can't spell / KATHOOM!

During the quieter periods, Lance and the boys would while away the hours by flicking bungee-bands at passing aircraft.

Corrupt coffee-company executive enticing impressionable youth

"Okay, now that we've all become the full and unencumbered embodiments of our authentic inner-selves we'd better get down to business. .."

Actually, I'm a bit low on ammo today, so I'll just have a can of cola and a loaf of bread thanks. ..

Efficiency, personal / 1. Always have a good breakfast. 2. While making your breakfast, make your lunch as well. 3. While eating your breakfast, eat your lunch too. / This will leave your lunch break free for 'personal efficiency.'

"Keep an eye on Davies. Whatever he's doing, it's not accounting."

"I've been sent home to lay low. If anyone asks, no one in my virology lab knows anything about a rampaging army of pangolin-bat hybrids."

"Keep the lights off - this is the only place the ICU staff can get any sleep."